Weekend Is Best For: Trying Out New Hang Out Places!

Well, the title is not entirely true, but it’s not entirely false either. I don’t know what about you, but for me weekend is always best for:

  1. Binge-watching while munching on my favorite snacks.
  2. Staying all day in my comfy room accompanied with books and a box of pizza.
  3. Hanging out with my favorite people while at the same time trying out new places.

I’m now a bit reluctant to go out on weekend, particularly on Saturday since the traffic is normally CRAZIER compared to weekdays. So, number 1 & 2 are definitely for Saturday, while number 3 is always a routine on Sunday. My friends and I (always) started out with having zero clue about where we are going to hangout, and (always) ended up on a random newly-opened coffee shop or restaurant in Jakarta.

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This post will feature some of the new places that I got to try in the past month. I was originally planning to make a single post out of every coffee shop or restaurant that I visited, but on second thought I think it would be better to just compile them in one post.

Let’s start with the first one, which is my favorite Go-Food (food online delivery service in Jakarta) meals: HONU Poke & Matcha Bar. I know this is not new anymore, but I legit love this place and the menu! So here it is.

Located in Kemang, Honu serves a very yummy poke bowl consists of fresh and healthy ingredients like tuna, salmon, tofu, edamame, etc. I normally ordered the Super Bowl (Salmon, Avocado Crispy Kale, Edamame, Wakamame Carrots and Cucumber), or the Two & Two (Tuna, Salmon, Lettuce, Carrots, Tempura Crunch) with extra Salmon (yes, that’s how much I love salmon). Normally it would cost me about 75k – 100k per visit. The place is quite small, but still feel quite spacey and comfy with a smoking area on the back. I just really love the pastel colors they used as part of the interior with all those kinfolk-ish green plants.

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Look at that colors!

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Second one is DomaDona Coffee. I was there one Sunday to interview Greys Polii. The only reason we picked this place was because it was quite new, and we wanted to check out the hype. Surprisingly, unlike many other new coffee shops in town, which mostly are crowded in the first few weeks of their opening, DomaDona was a bit.. empty.

First thing that really turned me off was that they used a yellow-ish lamp instead of having big window panes for natural light to penetrate easily into their tiny space. It was a bit challenging to take photos with such lighting. Second of all, everything that we ordered taste rather plain. The highlight though, if you are looking for a nice place to sit and talk for hours, this is quite a good place.

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Third one is the new branch of 1/15 Coffee located in Menteng. Their first outlet in Gandaria was definitely a nice place for hanging out with your friends or having a meeting. However, I always felt like it’s a bit too far from where I live. Voila, they seemed to hear my wish. The Menteng outlet is definitely nearer for me! Unlike the Gandaria one which offers very spacey room with high ceilings, the Menteng one feels more packed. Located next to Kaum Jakarta, 1/15 Menteng still serve you with the best of their coffee game and also foods, although honestly the foods and desserts in Gandaria taste way better.

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Glasses: Karamata, Black Nehru Shirt: Zara, Tee: H&M; Pants: H&M; Shoes: Vans; Accessories: Tha Collection; Watch: Aark Collective

Last but not least is Paradigma Coffee. I think is the most worth-visiting new coffee shop in town, simply because it offers.. *drumroll* a wide outdoorsy area with bean bags and green grass (synthetic though). Other than the coffee shop, this whole location also offers a co-working space, public library, local artisans shop, and also bakery. So it’s like a one stop place for any urban people to have fun, whether with friends or family. Having an outdoor public room in this overpopulated city is indeed a luxury, so to have one coffee shop which offers you a comfy place to sit outside is really a blessing.

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Shades: Karamata, Patterned Shirt: The Collin Store, Jeans: Topman, Socks: Uniqlo, Shoes: Vans; Watch: Hypergrand

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Sunday Squad

Besides these fours, I have also stumbled upon the new Starbucks Reserve at Pakubuwono, Pizza Place at Como Park Kemang, and also Crumble Crew (you must try the Iscaketory!) at SCBD area. If you happen to have any new coffee shop, desserts place, or restaurants opening feel free to let me know so I can drop by and give it a try!

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Write to you later,

HG. (@gersonhenry)


An Interview With Albert Halim: A Humble Heart Behind The Glamorous Spotlight

I’ve known Albert Halim (Abet) since 2011 if I’m not mistaken. I remember watching Catatan (Harian) Si Boy, laughed so hard every time his character appeared on the screen, and two weeks later I met him at church. Through a friend, I got introduced to him, and we immediately hangout the first day we met. He was very humble and didn’t act like a movie star, even until today now that he starred in even more movies, and remained as one of my good friends.

Most people would think that working in the showbiz industry would make someone a little bit unapproachable. Albert proved it wrong with his sincere heart and over-friendliness. Please enjoy his insightful stories over a delicious lunch at KLTR.

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TPOB20: Who is Albert Halim in your own eyes?
Abet: Albert Halim is a nerd who doesn’t know a thing about computer.. hahaa. He connects easily with people. Rice is essential in his life, and it’s also the same thing with fruits. I have to eat rice and fruits every day. He loves dark chocolate, because he believes those who taste a little bit too sweet in the beginning would end up DRAINING.. hahaha! So might as well have something that taste a bit bitter, yet offers a sweet ending.

TPOB20: Lol! Are you talking about a chocolate or a person now? Anyway, what makes you busy these days?
Aside of being an actor, I’m now currently busy being a digital marketer. Yes, I still have upcoming movie, but at the same time I’m also enjoying this new world of digital marketing.

TPOB20: How did you start this whole digital marketing stuff?
Abet: It started last year when I was hired as an influencer for a watch company in Jakarta. Met up with the owner and I couldn’t help but to give him some creative ideas for his digital campaign. He loved it, and decided to hire me to handle some of his brands. One thing leads to another, at this moment I’m now handling 6 brands already.

TPOB20: Wait, did you have any educational background in this field?
Abet: LOL.. no. I graduated as a bachelor of computer accounting, and I still don’t understand how to use Excel properly. But what matters is I graduated with good grades by God’s grace. Uhm and.. with the help of my friends I guess since it was a group project hahaha.

TPOB20: Now, let’s talk about your career in the showbiz industry. How did you get into acting?
Abet: I remember wanting to be an MTV VJ when I was still in high school. I was a fan of Sarah Sechan, and I thought it would be cool to appear in a tv show. However, there was no opportunity for me until my last year in college. At that moment, I have given up the dream and thought that probably entertainment world is not for me. I even have considered to be an accountant and work in a big four accounting company.

Until one day my friend told me to join a casting for tv commercial, and it took me only three or four auditions to star in a tv commercial. That’s how it all started. I began to build a network with some people from the showbiz world.

When I graduated, I told my family that I wanted to pursue acting. So I looked up for a great acting school. Got introduced to Sakti Aktor Studio, and taught by a great man, Bang Eka Sitorus for two years. And, by God’s grace, I landed my first movie, “7 Hati 7 Cinta 7 Wanita” along with big names like Marcella Zalianty, Jajang C Noer, Happy Salma and Olga Lydia.

The next month, I auditioned for Catatan (Harian) Si Boy, which was directed by Putrama Tuta and starred by Ario Bayu, Abimana Aryasatya, Tara Basro and Carissa Putri. Gratefully, I got a remarkable role named Herry, which turned out to be quite a milestone in my career path. From that moment on, I started to gain public recognition and got offered to host a tv show and starred in a sitcom.

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TPOB20: What was the initial reaction of your family when you told them that you wanted to pursue acting as your career?
Abet: Well, they were shocked of course. Because, none of my family members ever have a career in this industry. They seemed doubtful at first, but they were willing to let me try, because at that moment I was just graduated from college. So I got nothing to lose. I’m pretty sure that they would have pushed me to work in an accountant company if I failed in this path. Thank God, I did not…

TPOB20: What are your work values that brought you here?
Giving my best in every single thing that I do, no matter whether it’s a big client or not, whether it’s a big project or not. For example, it’s normal to shoot a movie until past midnight, or sometimes very early in the morning before the sun is out. You would feel sleepy and cranky, and probably tired, right? It’s understandable that most people might want to make it quick and just do whatever it is that the director told them to do. But not with me, I don’t care if it’s 4AM in the morning, I would argue and fight for my opinion if I think the script or the dialog doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s sad to see people compromise quality simply because they are tired. That’s why I’d never do that.

TPOB20: Have you ever felt bored doing this?
I’ve been doing this since I landed my first tv ads when I was 20. It’s been a decade now but I’ve never, for once, felt bored about this career path. Because I realize that to be where I am right now, it’s a matter of privilege. I’m not here to take this for granted just because I’ve played in several movies. I realize that a life like this, an opportunity like this doesn’t happen to everyone. So to feel bored about it would be ungrateful.

TPOB20: What’s the most challenging or interesting thing about being an actor?
Abet: Every actor, who understands the basic knowledge of acting, must do an in-depth psychological research about the role or character that they have to play. They need to have a comprehensive understanding on why the character think that way, react that way. It’s like being born into a new persona and trying to live with it before the shooting day.

TPOB20: So, what was the most challenging role for you?
Abet: When I took the role of Andrew Darwis (Founder of Kaskus) in “Sundul Gan: The Story of Kaskus”, which I co-starred with Dion Wiyoko, I had to spend hours talking with the real Andrew Darwis himself to catch his candid expressions and reactions. I had to learn about the way he speaks, what are the words that he uses in daily conversation.

TPOB20: Was it difficult for you to get out of the character once the movie is done?
Abet: It’s a challenge for every actor I guess. The famous Didi Petet once told me that it would be great if every actor started from zero when they are about to dive into a new character. That means they have to leave the old character behind. So you would look different in every movie, or every character you play. It was never easy for me because it would took about 2 – 3 months to really get into the character, it’s like building a new habit, a new lifestyle. Of course it would be hard to change it afterwards. But, when there’s a will, there is always a way. So, no excuse!

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TPOB20: What is your next big dream?
Abet: I used to dream of studying acting in USA. But now, that I’m in the digital marketing industry, I’m so keen to get a master degree in branding or marketing. It makes you look more credible somehow. So yeah I’ve been looking for some universities in US, and also preparing my saving, I even searched for scholarship. Wish me luck…

TPOB20: Who is your inspiration in life?
Abet: It’s my OO (aunt in Chinese). My mom passed away when I was still a little kid, my dad couldn’t support me financially so his oldest sister took me as her son. She’s truly one of a kind. Through her, I learned to constantly be grateful and inspired to work hard in life.

TPOB20: Lastly, what is the perks of beings 20 to you?
Abet: It’s definitely the most fun season to be in! I personally wish I could stay there forever. It’s the best moment where you don’t get tired easily, it’s the right time to pursue what you heart desire. If you’re in your 20 right now, please be more selective in listening to advices, don’t waste your time, you will never regret acting kind to everyone and anyone, and don’t forget to spend enough time with your family.

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Write to you later,

HG. (@gersonhenry)

The Canali Experience: Store Launch and Su Misura

With so many weddings to attend at the end of the year, I have been contemplating much on the kinds of formal wear that gentlemen are wearing. As every night I show up for wedding, be it gigs or invitations, I always hate the challenge to suit differently or to show up with something I haven’t wore last week. I don’t deal with fashion pressure easily as I don’t really care that much. How many of you actually ended up wearing the same thing over and over again to weddings and formal parties just as I did?

It was a good thing that Canali invited me to host their store launch event right in the midst of my formal wear confusion. I got to learn so many things, met a lot of people and enjoy Canali’s prime store that exhibits formal wear, sport casual and accessories.


Suit by Canali. Loving the pocket square detail!



Mingle session with fellow bloggers and other fashion journalists. 


All the details in the fabric.


Final brief before the show starts.


Wine to warm the night.



Canali, Plaza Indonesia, Ground Floor.




Su Misura: Made to Measure Service.

Now, let me explain to you what Su Misura means. Su Misura (french for made to measure) is a service that allows you to own a Canali suit made exclusively for you. Not just suits, but also blazers, pants, coats, dress shirts and even knitwear! This service is so exclusive that you can choose over 500 options of fabric that are renewed each season and many of which are made exclusively for Canali.

Enjoy creating as you are given the freedom to pick your own detail as you select lapels, buttons, pockets, linings, collars and cuffs among other options. Once the suit is finished, you can wear it with pride as your name will be embroidered on the label itself.



The Su Misura corner.

The event lasted only for a while, but being able to witness such a commitment to bring only the best details in their product and interior was quite a profound moment to me. I guess the commitment is what makes Canali one of the best in the industry since 1934.

Truth be told, I am very much humbled by the invitation to experience Canali.



Keep exploring,

DR. (@demasryan)

PS: Thanks to PT Trans Fashion Indonesia for having me! I would like to thank Rizky Aditya from Le Motion Photography for these beautiful photos of the event. All credit goes to Le Motion.

A Question For The Automaton Generation: Who Do You Want To Be?

When I was thirteen I aspire to be many things.

I wanted to be a scholar
A professor
A well known educator…

But at the same time, I also wanted to be a writer,
A poet
And ultimately, an artist, because I want to inspire people…

Years from there my aspirations keep growing to many different things to the point it was scattered into many different interests in life.
I ended up becoming a misfits.
It was a bit sad really…

All those years from a very highly inspired teenagers into a depressed, don’t-know-what-to-do-with-life human being. Why? You may asked.

Simple. People happened.

We are living in a society where people love to be involved in our lives. Whether it is for positive or negative thing, people simply love to meddle. It is not wrong, this is just how we make relationship with others.

I was once a by product of a society that dictates what I should and should not do. There were people in my life who “dislike” the fact that I had such big ambition and “quietly” killed my ambition. They drove me into questioning myself if what I wanted was too big.

Then, there were people who would “force” me to thrive differently, not in the things that I actually wanted but it was simply because what seemed to be “right”. Today is even worse, there seems to be a baseline for what is called to be “accepted” in society, in terms of your wishes, your identity, even your ultimate goals in life. And this makes me sad even further.

I finally managed to get out of this “automaton” dictation by pulling myself apart. This doesn’t mean I become an actual misfit. On the contrary, I have a better social life now and people accepted me just fine.

What changes, however, was how I’m letting this society get into my mind. Like I said earlier, it’s inevitable and not wrong for having a society who meddles in your life. This is how human interact but what we need to protect is our core. Who we really are. If we can do that by being true to who we really are, we can let the “right” people meddle into our life, which will enrich us instead of tearing us down.

People who can sharpen our desires instead of crushing it. People who can inspire us because they are also running in the same journey as ours. All in all, we need to let people who have the best interest for us to be a loud voice in our life. If there are people who keeps negating what we want to do, we should consider the existence of that person in our lives. Maybe, that person needs to be put aside some times.

Challenge is good but if you are constantly being challenged and questioned, sooner or later doubts will start to grow and block you from becoming who you really are.

To find who you are and to be who you want to be today is a bit harder, simply because the world is a lot noisier than before. Social media is a gateway for us to be depressed or to freely expressed ourselves correctly. It’s both a lethal machinery that can build us or kill us.

We need a strong filter for these voices in order for us to be true to ourselves. In my journey, I find that getting alone for a while and distant myself from all the noises for once in a while really helps. It makes me think clearly and inspire me again to get to where I wanted to go.

I’m writing this to you, who might be in need of any encouragement to find who you truly are. I hope this can help you. Just remember, you will finally be comfortable with who you are when you finally can be honest about who you are.

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Talk to you later!

SC. (@callistasarah)

An Interview With Aveline Gunawan: The Clumsy Girl With Secret Obsession Towards Greenday.

I’ve known Aveline Gunawan (Ave), a photographer for Baby Axioo, since her first days in Baby Axioo. We share mutual best friends, and got involved in preparing for their proposal, birthday surprises, bachelor parties, pre-wedding photoshoot and even became one of their groomsmen and bridesmaids.

Although she might look like a high-maintenance princess on her Instagram feeds, Ave is a complete opposite in person. She is very down to earth and far from princess-sy attitude. She is a clown who is not afraid to make fun of herself in front of other people. Her talent in photography is undeniably and inarguably a God’s gift. I remember during our trip to Bromo, she took photos using a Samsung phone, iPhone, DSLR, Mirrorless camera, and Analog camera, and every single shot she took was beautiful! Because of her I believe the idioms that says, “It’s not about the gear, it’s about the eyes and the taste behind the lens.” A real photographer could take the most beautiful photo using any gear, and she has proven it.

Working in Axioo has been her one and only dream since she graduated from University. The journey to become where she is right now was not easy at all and that is why I decided to feature her in this month’s “Get To Know” section. We met at a restaurant after church, and started to the interview over a plate of pizza and desserts. One funny similarity that we share is that we are both an unstoppable munching machine. When we see foods on the table, we don’t even care to ask who owns it, we’re just gonna grab it and start munching!

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TPOB20: Who is Aveline Gunawan in your own eyes?
Ave: Aveline Gunawan is a clumsy girl from Surabaya. A girl who looks very elegant on Instagram, but actually a clown who can’t stop munching, and loves to listen to Greenday.

TPOB20: What do you do?
Ave: I’m a photographer in Baby Axioo, so I’m mostly busy doing photoshoot probably about seven different clients in a week, while at the same time juggling my wedding preparation.

TPOB20: How did you get into this industry?
Ave: I’ve been introduced to photography since I was a kid. Probably because my Dad was also quite passionate in photography. I remember him taking photos of me and my two sisters with his vintage camera, and also recorded our silly actions with a handy cam.

But, it was not until senior high that I finally considered to explore photography. When I was still a little girl, I wanted to be a bank teller because I thought I’d have a lot of money, not knowing that it’s actually other people’s money hahaha… And then I also wanted to be a comic illustrator because I like drawing. When I was in Middle High I wanted to be a part of Emo Band, mainly because of Greenday.

Until one day, I had this Motorolla phone that came with a camera. It became my first camera, and that’s how it all began. I moved to Melbourne for my bachelor degree in Communication Design. One day, a friend of mine asked me to take photos of their kid. That’s when I had the opportunity to build my portfolio.

After college, I went back for good to Surabaya and decided to focus more on photography. I wanted to apply to Axioo but then I didn’t have that much confident in me to actually send out my portfolios. At that moment, it just felt impossible. So I tried applying to other photography services in Surabaya instead, and none of them called me back. I was so devastated, feeling so incompetent. How could I apply for the big giant like Axioo, if no one in Surabaya wanted to hire me.

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Photo courtesy of Aveline Gunawan and Baby Axioo

One day, my ex’s sister was having a pre-wedding photo shoot in Bogor with Axioo. Usually, there will be one photographer with one stylist handling the photo shoot. But, that day, I believe it’s not a coincidence, the stylist wasn’t available to come so the owner herself (which happens to be my current boss) came all the way from Jakarta to handle the photoshoot. It’s a very rare situation, probably even the first and the last time ever. Anyway, that’s when I first met Fen Soong. The owner of my dream company. Of course, she knew nothing about me. We rarely even speak during the photo shoot I guess.

Fast forward two weeks later, Fen left a comment on my Instagram’s post, saying that she would love to meet and have a talk with me. Apparently, she found my Instagram through some sort of Instagram baby account, which featured my portfolio.

One month later, in September 2013, I went to Jakarta and arranged a meeting with Fen. She asked me to be a photographer for Baby Axioo. That was really mind blowing, because I’m fine being a photographer’s assistant as a starter. I was so flattered yet quite nervous at that time. She asked me to think about the offer. And so I moved to Jakarta and started to work for Baby Axioo since October 2013.

I realized that it’s totally God’s grace. Fen and I were a complete stranger, yet somehow we crossed paths. I crossed path not with some random business owner, but with the one particular business owner that I’ve been adoring.

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Photo courtesy of Aveline Gunawan and Baby Axioo

TPOB20: Why Axioo? And, why Baby Axioo?
Apart from the fact that Axioo has such great name and portfolio, it just seems fun to work in Axioo. The team looks very solid. Apparently, when I joined, everything that I could imagine about working in Axioo is true! I got paid for having fun doing what I love to do, I gained not only good friends, but also a new family.

Why Baby Axioo? Hmmm.. I just love kids. When my sisters and I were kids, the two of them preferred to go to our cousins’ house to play saloon and other girly toys. Me? I preferred to go to my other cousin who was still a baby and play with her.

TPOB20: What are your work values that brought you to where you are right now?
Integrity. I believe that every client has to get the same treatment, the best of me. I can’t play favorites because they pay the same price. Second to integrity would be innovative I guess. I always come up with new ideas for photoshoot, thanks to Pinterest and a lot of brainstorming session with the fashion stylist. Or, sometimes I could get ideas simply by reading magazines, traveling, or looking at a window display.

TPOB20: What kind of thing disturbs or angers you the most?
Ave: I cannot tolerate a fake and sneaky person who always has a hidden agenda for his/her own benefit. I really despise people who act nicely in front of people yet talk bad about them behind their back. I value people who are sincere and kind-hearted.

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TPOB20: What kind of activity do you do to refuel your creative tanks?
Ave: Mostly traveling. Or, taking a time off for a while.

TPOB20: What is the most interesting thing about being a baby photographer?
I got to meet new people everytime I have a photoshoot. Mostly are Instagram mommies with very cute and adorable babies or toddlers. I love hearing their stories and their insights about being a Mom.

TPOB20: What is the most challenging thing about your job?
Ave: When the baby doesn’t cooperate. But, what would be like the MOST challenging is when both the baby and the parents don’t cooperate.

TPOB20: What was the biggest struggle in your 20s? What made you kept going?
I’m a sucker for lover. Thank God I now have a fiance. But few years ago, I could overthink and worry a lot about my love life. As a competitive person, I often compare my life with other and the seeds of jealousy could cripple me. I always want to be better than others and completely forget that the real battle is not against others but against my own self. I learned over time to put aside all the negative thoughts and choose to focus on being the best in what I do. The blessing that is meant for you will always be meant for you. God has designed everything and put each person’s blessing according to their capacity. That thought somehow managed to keep me going everytime I stumble.

At this point I got so distracted by some pizza crumbles that got stuck on her hair. That’s how much she fancies eating. (Don’t worry Ave, you still have time to diet and you’ll fit well in your wedding dress!)

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Photo courtesy of Aveline Gunawan and Baby Axioo

TPOB20: What is your biggest dream that you haven’t achieved until today?
Ave: Uhm.. probably being a vessel of blessing to others, like creating a job opportunity for other people so they can support their family, pay the bills, etc. I strongly believe that’s what God wants me to do next.

TPOB20: Who is your inspiration?
My boss, Fen. She is very genuine and caring towards people. She would go the extra mile to make her ideas come to life. She values and appreciates relationship and really take a good care of her employees.

TPOB20: Lastly, what are the perks of being 20 to you?
It’s the season where you can explore a lot of things, or should I say every thing that your heart desires, without being worried because you still don’t have any responsibility towards your own family. You are not yet married and still don’t have kids. Your old days seem far away. You are all fresh and healthy to do the things that you love to do.

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Hopefully her story would inspire you to never give up praying on what you want and pursue your dream until it comes to life.

Write to you later,

HG. (@gersonhenry)

Say Hi To KLTR Coffee Roasters!

Finally the owner of Koultoura, which has been one of my favorite coffee shop, decided to bring their coffee madness to the center of Jakarta! With a nicely revamped concept, they introduced a different name, KLTR Coffee Roasters, which was opened for public in August 9th. While Koultoura has always been a nice casual brunch & coffee spots for family and friends, KLTR embodies a more serious, classy and exclusive ambience that is suitable for the business people working around the area.

Located at Apartment Pavilion Retail Arcade, Jl KH Mas Mansyur Kav 24, Jakarta, KLTR Coffee Roasters is ready to welcome you with their fine selection of great foods and coffee! I got to try most of their menu during the soft-opening and the highlights for me are: the Beef Yakimeshi (with poached egg and truffle essence), Pork Ragout, Pork Ham (with scrambled egg croissant), and the French Toast (maple pork bacon with whisky ice cream)!

If you’re looking for a nice spot for lunch meeting, or you happen to work around Sudirman area, visiting KLTR Coffee Roasters this week should be a priority!

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Pan Seared Barramundi

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Crab Cake

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Beef Yakimeshi

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Pork Ragout

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Pork Ham

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Salmon Iberico

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Two Stack Pancakes

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French Toast

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Strawberry Yoghurt


Write to you later,

HG. (@gersonhenry)

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Congrats, Joe!

Price of Passion.

I still vividly remember my parents’ disappointed face when I told them I wanted to pursue my passion in writing for my college major instead of business major.

It was not a pretty sight.

The loneliness of being the only Asian among Australians in the class because Art degree, let alone Creative Writing major, was far from popular among my peers. Oh the frustration, when I had to quit my writing job in a magazine that I actually loved doing because the paycheque was far from ideal and had to look for other career opportunity instead.

I buried my writing dream since then for five years, as I started to work purely for good money by running my own business in fashion.

I thought I was fine living with a dead dream.

Until not too long ago I found myself completely, utterly, broken.
I was hopeless.  I was helpless.
My soul was weary.
The future is nothing but a fog.
Unfathomable dead of night that this small mind failed to comprehend.

Pursuing a passion has its price to pay.

As for me, it was depression.
Not the “OMG my boyfriend broke up with me, I feel sooo depressed” kind, but diagnosed-by-psychiatrist-and-she-prescribed-me-with-an anti-depressants-so-I-won’t-turn-suicidal-kind.

There were days when I had to swallow that tiny pill just to give me the strength, to get me out of the bed and go to work. When I woke up I wished the day would end already, so tomorrow will come and I will finally be done feeling this empty.

In that state of mind, I kept telling the universe,

“I know I’m not a child anymore and I need to grow up,
but don’t make me a dreamer if you’re just gonna crush it with harsh reality.”

I was artistically heart broken, because the creator in me wasn’t able to create.
I had some success in my business, but I was far from being genuinely happy.
People who just knew me recently, would never know the wordsmith side of me.
Because I never show them.

Now more than ever, the world tells you to pursue your passion.
“Do what you love, and you’ll never have to work a day in your life,” they said.

But guess what, you actually have to.

Maybe your true passion isn’t making a lot of money, but the bill needs to be paid.
Last time I checked, groceries can’t be exchanged by passion nor big dreams.
Traveling and taking Insta-worthy pictures costs you.

Pursuing a passion is hard work.

Working your arse off day and night, doing everything you can, chasing every opportunities like you chase the wind, while waiting, for that door to finally come bursting open, for your teenage dream to finally come true, it can get mind-numbingly discouraging.

But after being molded for so long in darkness, imprisoned by the uncertainty, when the time is right, the light in you will shine bright.

If you prove yourself to be FAITHFUL in LOVING what you were entrusted to DO, even if it wasn’t the ideal job that you had in mind growing up, soon enough the universe will reward you with

the right people, 
right place, 
right time,

and you will be able to DO what you LOVE.

Start with a small step.
Start with what you currently have in your hands.
Dare to hope again.
Dare to feel again.
If you’re like me, dare to write again.

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Dream on my dearest,

S. (@sashatjie)